the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
