the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
