Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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