I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
