To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
