he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
