my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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