Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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