In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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