From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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