I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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