What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
