3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
