Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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