Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
