i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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