I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
