Dual....:-)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
