I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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