ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
