Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
