I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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