My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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