I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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