At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
