For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
vagina is talking i cant
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
