so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
