Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
