Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
