so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
