Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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