Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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