Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need a beard to bite.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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