that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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