Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
