ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
