so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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