my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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