I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
