margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
