I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
tell me about the fingering
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
