And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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