Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
false alarm. still invincible.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
