Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
