is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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