John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
