I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
