she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
