Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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