Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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