tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
