STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
