i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
