Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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