it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
