New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
