I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
