some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
