MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
