what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize