I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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