My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
