U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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