he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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