her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
