12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The best revenge is premature balding
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh god it's open bar.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
