then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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