Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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