I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
