Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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