It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
