We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
COCAINE IS GR8
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
