chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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