How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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