If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I stole a fireplace last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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