Screwed.edu
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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