maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize