I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
