I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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